Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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