The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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