You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and she was petting her beer can
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
