I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize