States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
