I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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