sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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