I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
