he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
