I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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