So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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