ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
