Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
