I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
