she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
