No stitches, just platelets and will power
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
