And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
