I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
