you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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