I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
