My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
