So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
