I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
