Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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