Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
