And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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