Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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