textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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