I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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