I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
