I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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