why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
