i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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