I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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