it's too hot outside to masturbate.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
