He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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