No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
