i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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