have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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