I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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