that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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