so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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