I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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