Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
