Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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