We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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