But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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