just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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