All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
