ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
