he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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