I smell stomach acid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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