thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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