thus making me awesome and them whores
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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