True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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