The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
