false alarm. still invincible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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