My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
