how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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